


Soul's Midnight

by ShaneVansen



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-28
Updated: 2010-02-28
Packaged: 2017-10-07 14:47:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/66176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShaneVansen/pseuds/ShaneVansen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clichéd as it sounds, he really does look like he's sleeping.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soul's Midnight

**Author's Note:**

> I thought of an absolutely _fantastic_ title for this as I was falling asleep one night. Do you think I could remember it the next morning?
> 
> This fic was included in Volume I of [Taking Flight: Tales From The Pegasus Galaxy](http://www.sjhw.net/zine/index2.html#sga), a zine dedicated to het and gen Atlantis fic.
> 
> Based on a drabble I wrote a while back called [Cold Comfort](http://www.sheppardweir.com/fanfics/viewstory.php?sid=206). Are you allowed to be inspired by your own fics?
> 
> Originally posted to LJ June 2007.

_ **-i-** _

Elizabeth is in her office when the 'gate starts to spin. There's only one team off-world today and she knows they're not supposed to be back until much later, so she is already across the catwalk before the technician can call for her presence. "Do we have an IDC?" she asks, coming to a stop by the console.

"It's Teyla. She's reporting that they have injured."

"Med team to the 'gate room," she pages, even as the wormhole spits out several figures. Elizabeth makes it two steps in their direction before she freezes, her brain registering the pain on Teyla's face, the panic on Rodney's as he holds her upright, and the determination on Ronon's features in the split-second he meets her eyes before he takes off in the direction of the infirmary at a dead run, John slung over his shoulder.

The sounds of the command center fade away and, as she stares after the two departed men, all she can hear is the voice in her head, _nonononono_, over and over.

 

_ **-ii-** _

Feeling oddly disconnected, Rodney sits silently on a gurney as people move about him at a frantic pace. To his right, a small grunt was Teyla's only concession to her pain when her broken leg was set. It's now being cast. On his other side, a doctor and nurse flutter around Ronon, and Rodney hears the words "cracked ribs" and "probable concussion" among the rush of medical babble. On the far side of the infirmary, blocked from the rest of the room, there are raised voices and personnel moving briskly in and out and barking orders at each other.

His eyes lock on Elizabeth, an island of stillness amid the river of frenetic movement. At first glance she appears to be watching the nurse working on Teyla, but Rodney has been studying her long enough to know better. Her gaze is too distant and her hands, clasped neatly in front of her, are gripping each other so tightly that they have turned white. Every so often her lips move, but Rodney doesn't think she's even aware of speaking.

By the time he realizes that the infirmary has fallen silent, Carson is already halfway across the room. One look at his face tells Rodney everything he doesn't want to know and suddenly he can't breathe, because his chest is tight and the air won't move through his lungs. Distantly, over his own half-gasps for breath, he hears Elizabeth demanding to see Sheppard.

Rodney curls onto his side, facing away from where the colonel's body is hidden behind the wall.

 

_ **-iii-** _

Elizabeth pauses just a few paces from the end of the gurney. Carson's staff must have anticipated her need to see John because already all the equipment that would have been used in the attempt to save his life has been removed, and a sheet has been pulled up to his chin, covering any outward sign of injury. There is deceptively little blood colouring the otherwise white sheet.

Clichéd as it sounds, he really does look like he's sleeping.

Without moving any closer, Elizabeth studies him for a long while before turning and leaving. She doesn't so much as glance at anyone as she returns to her office.

 

_ **-iv-** _

They hold the service on the mainland, where the Athosians have settled. It's been some time since Elizabeth has visited here and the unexpected maturity of Jinto and Marta and the other children she'd known those first few weeks in Pegasus makes her feel suddenly old.

When she delivers the eulogy, she doesn't shed any tears. And if her voice cracks as she talks about the kind of man John was, well, she supposes that no one will judge her for that.

She has yet to cry.

 

_ **-v-** _

Elizabeth stands on the balcony, the handmade jar John gave her for her birthday their first year in Atlantis held carefully in both hands. John's ashes are inside, and she feels a certain morbid satisfaction at the thought of his remains mixing with those of her ten thousand-year-old self. Eyes closed, she sucks in a breath before removing the lid and releasing him to the wind and water of their home.

 

_ **-vi-** _

Rodney isn't particularly surprised when Elizabeth seeks him out. It makes a twisted sort of sense: Teyla has stayed with her people, to grieve and to heal, and Ronon disappeared somewhere into the city shortly after their return from the mainland.

She sits on his bed, back straight, face neutral, and says nothing. Rodney paces for a bit before awkwardly lowering himself to sit next to her, close enough that his arm and leg brush Elizabeth's; he craves the contact but doesn't know how to ask for it.

Voice quiet, she asks him how he's doing and if he's sleeping and whether he's talked to Heightmeyer yet. He answers her questions and tries to show the same concern for her but it comes out sounding stilted and forced. Relating on a personal level is something that's never come easily to him.

Somewhere in the choked conversation, he reaches for her, or she reaches for him. At first they simply hold each other but then one of them shifts and the flavour of the embrace changes, becomes more charged, and without ever quite consciously intending to do so Rodney touches his lips to hers. Elizabeth makes a sound like a sob before kissing him back. In too short a time they are both naked and he's surrounded by her, his face buried in her neck as they move silently against each other. After, he holds her close.

He pretends not to notice she's wearing Sheppard's dogtags.

 

_ **-vii-** _

It's almost a month before Elizabeth brings herself to enter John's room. The only family they could find was a cousin who hadn't seen John since childhood. She seemed saddened in the abstract way that one might feel at hearing of an old classmate's untimely death, and told Elizabeth to do whatever she thought fit with John's belongings.

She pauses just far enough across the threshold for the door to close behind her, eyes sweeping the familiar space. She's been here any number of times but it feels different now, in a way she can't explain though for a reason she understands.

Walking carefully, as though to avoid disturbing the missing occupant, Elizabeth paces the perimeter of the room. Her fingers move lightly over objects – his dresser, his nightstand, his books.

Brow furrowing, she takes a step back and examines the bookshelf. Caught between two thick hardcover novels is a white piece of paper. Elizabeth pulls out one of the books and finds several envelopes, each addressed to someone on Atlantis.

One is for her.

Leaving the rest of the envelopes on the shelf, Elizabeth takes the one with her name and backs toward the bed. She sits in the middle of the mattress and hugs John's pillow to her chest, working up the courage to see what he's left her. She can't understand why she's afraid of what he might have had to say.

Elizabeth screws her eyes shut and then chastises herself for being foolish. Opening her eyes, she reaches determinedly for the envelope.

By the time she finishes reading, there are tears streaming down her face.

But she's smiling.

_\--end--_


End file.
